GIF89a GIF89a manipulation - Malfeasance https://www.malfeasance.io A Cautionary Tale from the Family Court System Wed, 11 Aug 2021 06:30:25 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 Kim Requesting Affidavit from Dr. James (txt) https://www.malfeasance.io/document/kim-requesting-affidavit-from-dr-james-txt/ Tue, 10 Aug 2021 04:20:44 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?post_type=dlp_document&p=461 Kim requesting an affidavit from Dr. James

The post Kim Requesting Affidavit from Dr. James (txt) first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim requesting an affidavit from Dr. James

The post Kim Requesting Affidavit from Dr. James (txt) first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Initial_back_and_forth_AL_Job.pdf https://www.malfeasance.io/document/initial_back_and_forth_al_job-pdf/ Mon, 09 Aug 2021 22:46:33 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?post_type=dlp_document&p=418 Kim giving me updates about her pursuit of a job in Alabama.

The post Initial_back_and_forth_AL_Job.pdf first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim giving me updates about her pursuit of a job in Alabama.

The post Initial_back_and_forth_AL_Job.pdf first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> 2019_11_03_20_25_08.mp3 https://www.malfeasance.io/document/2019_11_03_20_25_08-mp3/ Fri, 06 Aug 2021 13:23:19 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?post_type=dlp_document&p=333 PlayPauseMute/Unmute

The post 2019_11_03_20_25_08.mp3 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]>

The post 2019_11_03_20_25_08.mp3 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim Seeks Affidavit from Dr. James https://www.malfeasance.io/mental_health/458/ Fri, 04 Dec 2020 05:16:29 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=458 Despite having been terminated from therapy by Dr. James for her dishonesty and manipulation, Kim reaches out to Dr. James asking for an affidavit stating that he has knowledge of an agreement that Kim and I had about moving to Minnesota. The problem with this request is: She terminated from therapy and was told to…

Read More

The post Kim Seeks Affidavit from Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Despite having been terminated from therapy by Dr. James for her dishonesty and manipulation, Kim reaches out to Dr. James asking for an affidavit stating that he has knowledge of an agreement that Kim and I had about moving to Minnesota.

The problem with this request is:

  1. She terminated from therapy and was told to not contact him, because she was caught in a web of lies and manipulation as we were in therapy with him, focusing on building a co-parenting relationship for the future and welfare of the children.
  2. On December 27th, in an email to me, Kim asks to discuss plans for moving to MN post-split, demonstrating that plans were NOT agreed upon, and that Dr. James’ office was a “safe space” where Kim felt comfortable having contentious conversations with me.
  3. The next time we were in Dr. James’ office together was Feb. 14th, 2020. In that session, instead of going over plans and details to move to MN, Kim revealed her plans to move with the kids to Alabama (regardless of my thoughts on the matter).  From that last session on Feb. 14th, 2020 with Dr. James until 9/16/2020, Kim’s state intention was to move to Alabama, and take the kids with her. She continued to provide updates to me about her progress in securing a job in Alabama.
  4. The discussions regarding the move to Minnesota many details left without agreement, most notably where to live, and schools to go to.  These are the details that Kim went off and did in secret: put an offer on a house (after a denied mortgage application in August, 2020), and tried to force agreement into Newman school after one discussion (and no willingness on her part to discuss my suggestions), even after we were informed that the teacher who was to have both Rowan and Oliver in his class had an open investigation into allegations of him molesting one of his students.

 



Related:

  • Kim’s Release to Dr. James
  • Dr. James’ Supplemental Affidavit
  • December 27th Email, asking to Discuss Details for Plans to Move to MN in Dr. James’ Office
  • Feb 14th Therapy Session, Kim Reveals Secret Plan to Move w/ Kids to Alabama
  • Feb 17th Conversation, Kim Detailing her Plans to Move to Alabama
  • March 18th Conversation, Kim Stating She “Can’t Move to MN,” Hour-Long Argument about Moving to Alabama
  • Txt Message from Kim to Leslie, stating “Brad is going to lie about parental role”
  • Phone Call Sept. 16th

The post Kim Seeks Affidavit from Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Phone Call 10/16/2020 https://www.malfeasance.io/moving/449/ Sat, 17 Oct 2020 00:07:36 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=449 A phone call following Kim’s recent (same day) progression with her mortgage. Now that she had an additional level of borrowing approval, she gets bolder and makes demands about her plans to take the children to St. Paul. [[ AUDIO ]] Need to cut into clips – file is too big.

The post Phone Call 10/16/2020 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> A phone call following Kim’s recent (same day) progression with her mortgage. Now that she had an additional level of borrowing approval, she gets bolder and makes demands about her plans to take the children to St. Paul.

[[ AUDIO ]] Need to cut into clips – file is too big.

The post Phone Call 10/16/2020 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Phone Calls RE: Custody on 9/14/2020 https://www.malfeasance.io/moving/537/ Mon, 14 Sep 2020 20:41:03 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=537 In our weekly call regarding the children, Kim starts her campaign to break the 50/50 arrangement that we had been operating under. She employs the various manipulative tactics that are seen throughout our interactions. Audio Summary Start Time Kim starts “primary caregiver” argument 02:40 Schools, etc. Including recap of past conversations. 14:11 Related: Kim’s Request…

Read More

The post Phone Calls RE: Custody on 9/14/2020 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> In our weekly call regarding the children, Kim starts her campaign to break the 50/50 arrangement that we had been operating under. She employs the various manipulative tactics that are seen throughout our interactions.

Audio Summary Start Time
Kim starts “primary caregiver” argument 02:40
Schools, etc. Including recap of past conversations. 14:11

Related:

 
Initial Call – Full  
Follow Up Call – Full  

Manipulative Tactics Used

  1. By this point, I had told Kim that all decisions relating to the future of the children needs to be handled through the lawyers. Not because I wanted to delay the process, not because I wanted to run up legal bills, but because I was aware of the lying and manipulation taking place, and that I could not effectively counter it in-realtime, and having no documentation of the agreements that were or were not made. Despite this, Kim tries to strong-arm me into saying something, or agreeing to something directly to her in a series of calls that were intended to be used for discussing the ongoing raising of the children. 
  2. She bombards the conversation with assertions that I don’t agree with. If I stop to argue each point, she will “blow up the conversation” saying that I’m simply argumentative, or not willing to work. If I don’t argue the suppositions that she makes, she keeps making the assertion over, and over again so as to make it seem as though it is reality.
  3. She talks over you, with rapid points that are blatantly false, while maintaining this “fragility” and making accusations of being “verbally abused” if you counter one of her points, putting words into my mouth that I didn’t say.

  4. She is very deliberate about which points she’s going to argue, because she’s been setting them up:

    1. “No reason to believe that I’m going to keep the kids away from you..” an off-shoot of the refrain that she used since the beginning of divorce talks. “I’d never do anything to limit the time the kids have with you, I’m worried that you’d do that to me, because YOU have the power in the court system…” while she had been plotting all along to do precisely that.
    2. “you go into the basement…” a point that she complained to during the implementation of our “in-house separation” that I was not isolating myself to the basement “enough”
    3. “We don’t communicate…” I had been pushing for over a year to work on the co-parenting relationship, in a post-divorce model. She refused to engage in that, going so far as to say that “trust is not required for co-parenting,” both in conversation and it writing. She argues back and forth on why she’s unwilling to follow the state-provided framework for communication.
    4. “You didn’t have room’s setup..” She intentionally gave me very little notice before moving out of the house, and despite her claims of needing to tell the children on a timeline, together, she started telling Rowan and the neighbors about her moving out before she brought it up with me.
  5. The points about being the primary caregiver was clearly the point that she needed to stress. When coupled with a manufactured urgency in needing to move, she believed the “primary caregiver” role would allow a decision for her to take the kids with her. Once established with her, this would be hard to change. So, she perjured herself relating to any detail in order to establish herself as the “primary caregiver:”
    1. Medical
      1. Oliver chipping his tooth, and she dropped him off at my house with swollen face
      2. Antibiotics
      3. Medical records of visits
    2. Selection of, and involvement in, the kids’ daycares
    3. Involvement with arranging babysitters
    4. Manipulated neighbors and others into providing testimony that they were not comfortable with. 
  6. Trying to say that I don’t have the capacity “because of my super-intense job”
    1. I have made offers to quit my job and stay home with the kids, Kim derails that conversation, stating that I HAVE to be the bread-winner for the family
    2. I told her, that “I would make things work,” because the kids are my priority. The past year has been a demonstration of that.
      1. I took off work from October to January to focus on this divorce.
      2. I moved to Minneapolis days after she was granted the rights to take them, jeopardizing my job stability.
      3. I have been working 1/2 time in order to deal with constant issues coming out of Kim having care of the kids (e.g. Newman, etc)
    3. I started a new job in 2019, as we were discussing getting a divorce, in order to possibly have more flexibility, as my prior job certainly did not. In my new job, I was in way over my head, and needed to “earn my spot” in a project, that ended on June 15th. I needed to deliver this project in order to keep demonstrate my ability to perform in this new role. Kim took full advantage of this, acting as though this initial vigorous schedule was a permanent thing. 
      1. I hadn’t worked more than 40hrs a week since having kids, until this job
      2. Even when working in Duluth and Alpharetta, I took the kids to, and picked the kids up from school
      3. I took days off of work to take the kids on field trip, participated in other school events. I have always had the flexibility and desire to do this on my own, absent divorce “in the air.”
      4. Kim has shown neither the ability, nor desire to participate in the kids’ schools, until divorce came into the conversation. And going through the financial records, it’s clear that A LOT of her behavior in 2019 is explained in hindsight because she was already strategizing on how to manipulate the divorce process

The post Phone Calls RE: Custody on 9/14/2020 first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim Gets Terminated from Therapy (5/9/2020) https://www.malfeasance.io/mental_health/439/ Sat, 09 May 2020 23:32:18 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=439 In the email thread relating to issues around discussions of moving (focused on Kim’s updates re: her attempts to move w/ kids to Alabama), Kim continues her narrative of “verbal abuse,” that she started in a therapy session on 2/14. Unbeknownst to me, she was trying to juggle two lies at the same time, and…

Read More

The post Kim Gets Terminated from Therapy (5/9/2020) first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> In the email thread relating to issues around discussions of moving (focused on Kim’s updates re: her attempts to move w/ kids to Alabama), Kim continues her narrative of “verbal abuse,” that she started in a therapy session on 2/14. Unbeknownst to me, she was trying to juggle two lies at the same time, and my forwarding Dr. James the email thread that started on 5/4 gets her caught in this lie.



Related:

  • Kim asks Dr. James to Provide an Affidavit Stating that Couple Had Agreement to Move to MN

The post Kim Gets Terminated from Therapy (5/9/2020) first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Conversations Following “Wellness Check” Text From Dr. James https://www.malfeasance.io/moving/360/ Tue, 18 Feb 2020 04:28:41 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=360 Dr. James sends a “wellness check” text, which among other things asked that this “new narrative of abuse” not take hold before he had a chance to clinically diagnose it. I was taken aback by the mention of abuse, and asked Kim about it. After “assurances” that she had no idea what he was talking…

Read More

The post Conversations Following “Wellness Check” Text From Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Dr. James sends a “wellness check” text, which among other things asked that this “new narrative of abuse” not take hold before he had a chance to clinically diagnose it. I was taken aback by the mention of abuse, and asked Kim about it. After “assurances” that she had no idea what he was talking about, we had the first conversation outside of therapy in quite some time. I recorded it, because I had lost all trust in Kim months prior to this, and needed a record of what was said.

[[ IMG_TXT_MSG ]]

Moving to Alabama

Because we were in a cooperative place, and we didn’t discuss anything outside of Dr. James’ office, I ask Kim to elaborate on her plans for moving to Alabama that she had just sprung on me 3 days before in Dr. James’ office. Below is what she said:

Plan Details:

Priorities:

TODO:

  1. Dr. James’ txt message
  2. Audio of Kim denying abuse was mentioned in the 2014 therapy session

The post Conversations Following “Wellness Check” Text From Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim Springs Her Plan to Move to Birmingham in Last Joint Session with Dr. James https://www.malfeasance.io/moving/355/ Fri, 14 Feb 2020 22:14:17 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=355 Background We had been discussing plans to move to Minnesota as a part of this divorce. We had been discussing what timing would be best for the kids. We had disagreements about things, most notably how to determine the locale for the two houses that would be good for the kids, and acceptable to both…

Read More

The post Kim Springs Her Plan to Move to Birmingham in Last Joint Session with Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Background

We had been discussing plans to move to Minnesota as a part of this divorce. We had been discussing what timing would be best for the kids. We had disagreements about things, most notably how to determine the locale for the two houses that would be good for the kids, and acceptable to both of us. Kim first proposed that we “get a duplex” and each live on one side. I thought this situation was rife for unnecessary complications and confrontation, but Kim stood her ground and insisted. We took the matter to Dr. James who agreed that the there would be too many issues for the children and for us, who didn’t have a friendship-type relationship anywhere on the horizon.

After the duplex issue was put to rest, we started to discuss which areas of the metro we preferred. Kim was adamant that she had to live within the city limits of St. Paul or Minneapolis.  This was always a strange quirk with her, and again this quirk became more of serious problem. She absolutely refused to consider even first ring suburbs…even though (in my opinion), many areas you cannot tell what is Minneapolis or St. Paul proper vs what is a suburb. She would make absurd claims to support this like “it’s cheaper to get housing in the city.” And since my priority was always to find the best school district suited for the kids, then find housing from there [[ LINK ]], I did not find this to be a rational position.  We were at an impasse at this, and Kim was proposing as late as Dec. 29th [[ LINK ]] that we discuss the details for moving back to Minnesota in Dr. James’ office, because it was bound to create heated discussions.

February 14th, 2020 Session with Dr. James

We were supposed to be discussing the details for making plans to move back to Minnesota, as well as continuing to build a foundation for a working co-parenting relationship, after coming out of a marriage in which it had been repeatedly demonstrated that one of the people in the marriage objectively could not be trusted to be honest [[ LINK ]], do what’s right [[ LINK – HOUSE ]], or exercise good judgment with the children. [[ LINKS – sidewalk, COVID, Newman, etc ]]

Instead of doing this, Kim springs the plan to move to Birmingham, and take the kids (by decree). She was going to file for divorce in the next two weeks to make this happen.

When I calmly confronted her about this, somewhat shocked at how she could propose insisting on moving forward without any consideration for me, the children, or my input for the children, she dropped in an accusation of being “abused.” Something to the effect of “while you were abusing me…” Dr. James picked up on it, I didn’t pay it any attention, because I’m used to this kind of hyperbole coming out of Kim [[ LINKS to VERBAL ABUSE ACCUSATIONS IN OFW; audio from end of 3/17 ]].  This turned out to be another detail that was not just spur of the moment, but a tactic that she intended to use to gain leverage in the divorce. Kim got called out via text a few days later, and her plan fell apart as she tried to lie and manipulate her way out of it.

 

[[ FIND HOME FOR THE BELOW  — NOT THIS POST ]]

It turns out that almost every example of the noted confrontational behavior that Kim was displaying at the time had a payoff that she would use in the emergency hearing. She had been planning for over a year about exactly how she was going to isolate the kids from me, for no other reason than either she wanted the children “all to herself,” or she was planning on surviving financially with the support of someone else. She has proven time, and time, and time again that she is incapable (or unwilling) to maintain her own finances. [[ LINK ]]

  1. Had a babysitter write a pretty blatantly false affidavit about my participation with the children. In the affidavit, she had the babysitter make claims like Kim was the only person who communicated or arranged her services (demonstrably false with txt messages) [[ LINK ]]. One of the things that she stated was that I “just immediately went to the basement,” [[ LINK ]] and didn’t talk to her or kids. This was not true – but was precisely why Kim was pushing for that to be the case, telling me that her confrontational behavior would subside if I were to just create more distance and essentially live out of the basement as if it were a separate apartment.
  2. She was pushing me to travel more for work, because she knew “how critical it was for me to settle into my new job.”
  3. She was complaining about the pace of progress on making plans, but she refused to use the project management framework that I setup (although she offered to track my progress).

 

 

TODO:

  • Add links to docs where indicated
  • Find place for the decrypting of the confrontational behavior

The post Kim Springs Her Plan to Move to Birmingham in Last Joint Session with Dr. James first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> Kim Reveals Her Plans to Move w/ Kids to Alabama https://www.malfeasance.io/moving/280/ Fri, 14 Feb 2020 08:56:00 +0000 https://doc.bradpayne.org/?p=280 In a joint session with Dr. James, Kim reveals the plan she’d been hatching for months, to take a job in Birmingham, Alabama and take the kids with her. In this session, she revealed this plan, with bright red lipstick on, and a smile from ear to each (which I first thought was odd, then…

Read More

The post Kim Reveals Her Plans to Move w/ Kids to Alabama first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]> In a joint session with Dr. James, Kim reveals the plan she’d been hatching for months, to take a job in Birmingham, Alabama and take the kids with her. In this session, she revealed this plan, with bright red lipstick on, and a smile from ear to each (which I first thought was odd, then disturbing).

I asked how she could be so happy at this prospect that she about to break up the family and force the kids to go through a separation of their parents. Her response was, “because I’m no longer beholden to your timeline.”

This didn’t make any sense, which I told her. “It’s not my timeline, what we’ve discussed thus far is a schedule for making plans for moving to Minnesota, and a schedule that would be best for the kids – to get them settled and acclimated before a formal pre-k session started for Rowan in the fall. Again, so how can you be happy that you’re proposing to force this disruption to the kids’ lives?”

She just reiterated verbatim, “because I’m no longer beholden to your timeline.”

This plan was disrupted by COVID, but was only delayed. She continued to communicate her intentions to move to Alabama with the kids, whether I liked it or not. She continued to communicate her intentions to move to Alabama even after she moved out of the marital residence in April, 2020. We communicated weekly about the kids, and she would use this to provide updates, which I believed she’d later use as evidence of my support for her plan. I had to explicitly tell her to stop providing updates regarding Alabama, because I was not in agreement with it.

She continued to maintain this Alabama plan until mid-September, she she re-ran the same playbook from February, but this time changing the destination to Minnesota:

  1. Create a false sense of urgency
  2. Misconstrue past conversations and facts around the issue
  3. Create confrontation so that the matter could not be discussed
  4. Oscillate between extreme positions of bully/victim, often in the same conversation
  5. Make threats against non-compliance with her demands
  6. Attempt to manipulate me and everyone around her using that person’s virtues against them: projecting guilt/shame, pitty, honor, empathy; whatever she could. (She used a neighbor’s leukemia-stricken 2yr old niece as a way to manipulate her in attempting to get her to provide an affidavit supporting her ‘primary caregiver’ status)

She believed that she could get away with this because she would be claiming to be the “primary caregiver,” a claim that didn’t hold up to the slightest scrutiny, so I was not too concerned about her basing this attempted move on something so easily disproven.

I later came to find out what she was intending to do – manipulate neighbors into backing this claim, and then making flat-out false statements under oath about the division of child-rearing responsibilities in our family up to that point. I gathered the data (credit card receipts to doctor appointments, historical map data showing I took them to and from daycare, etc.). This was going to be the basis of her creating separation between the kids and me – regardless of how that separation was going to be executed.  None of my refuting data was seen or heard, and Kim’s claim’s of being the “primary caregiver” apparently was taken at face value in the emergency hearing.

TODO:

  • Links to media:
    • 2/17 audio of Kim outlining her plan
    • Link to Leslie’s text
    • Link to hospital records (and summary)
    • Link to email with Kim giving Alabama updates.
    • Add the email that Kim sent asking to coordinate plans to move to MN in late December.
    • Review the gain of facts from right before the March 9th hearing that didn’t take place

The post Kim Reveals Her Plans to Move w/ Kids to Alabama first appeared on Malfeasance.

]]>