Background
We had been discussing plans to move to Minnesota as a part of this divorce. We had been discussing what timing would be best for the kids. We had disagreements about things, most notably how to determine the locale for the two houses that would be good for the kids, and acceptable to both of us. Kim first proposed that we “get a duplex” and each live on one side. I thought this situation was rife for unnecessary complications and confrontation, but Kim stood her ground and insisted. We took the matter to Dr. James who agreed that the there would be too many issues for the children and for us, who didn’t have a friendship-type relationship anywhere on the horizon.
After the duplex issue was put to rest, we started to discuss which areas of the metro we preferred. Kim was adamant that she had to live within the city limits of St. Paul or Minneapolis. This was always a strange quirk with her, and again this quirk became more of serious problem. She absolutely refused to consider even first ring suburbs…even though (in my opinion), many areas you cannot tell what is Minneapolis or St. Paul proper vs what is a suburb. She would make absurd claims to support this like “it’s cheaper to get housing in the city.” And since my priority was always to find the best school district suited for the kids, then find housing from there [[ LINK ]], I did not find this to be a rational position. We were at an impasse at this, and Kim was proposing as late as Dec. 29th [[ LINK ]] that we discuss the details for moving back to Minnesota in Dr. James’ office, because it was bound to create heated discussions.
February 14th, 2020 Session with Dr. James
We were supposed to be discussing the details for making plans to move back to Minnesota, as well as continuing to build a foundation for a working co-parenting relationship, after coming out of a marriage in which it had been repeatedly demonstrated that one of the people in the marriage objectively could not be trusted to be honest [[ LINK ]], do what’s right [[ LINK – HOUSE ]], or exercise good judgment with the children. [[ LINKS – sidewalk, COVID, Newman, etc ]]
Instead of doing this, Kim springs the plan to move to Birmingham, and take the kids (by decree). She was going to file for divorce in the next two weeks to make this happen.
When I calmly confronted her about this, somewhat shocked at how she could propose insisting on moving forward without any consideration for me, the children, or my input for the children, she dropped in an accusation of being “abused.” Something to the effect of “while you were abusing me…” Dr. James picked up on it, I didn’t pay it any attention, because I’m used to this kind of hyperbole coming out of Kim [[ LINKS to VERBAL ABUSE ACCUSATIONS IN OFW; audio from end of 3/17 ]]. This turned out to be another detail that was not just spur of the moment, but a tactic that she intended to use to gain leverage in the divorce. Kim got called out via text a few days later, and her plan fell apart as she tried to lie and manipulate her way out of it.
[[ FIND HOME FOR THE BELOW — NOT THIS POST ]]
It turns out that almost every example of the noted confrontational behavior that Kim was displaying at the time had a payoff that she would use in the emergency hearing. She had been planning for over a year about exactly how she was going to isolate the kids from me, for no other reason than either she wanted the children “all to herself,” or she was planning on surviving financially with the support of someone else. She has proven time, and time, and time again that she is incapable (or unwilling) to maintain her own finances. [[ LINK ]]
- Had a babysitter write a pretty blatantly false affidavit about my participation with the children. In the affidavit, she had the babysitter make claims like Kim was the only person who communicated or arranged her services (demonstrably false with txt messages) [[ LINK ]]. One of the things that she stated was that I “just immediately went to the basement,” [[ LINK ]] and didn’t talk to her or kids. This was not true – but was precisely why Kim was pushing for that to be the case, telling me that her confrontational behavior would subside if I were to just create more distance and essentially live out of the basement as if it were a separate apartment.
- She was pushing me to travel more for work, because she knew “how critical it was for me to settle into my new job.”
- She was complaining about the pace of progress on making plans, but she refused to use the project management framework that I setup (although she offered to track my progress).
TODO:
- Add links to docs where indicated
- Find place for the decrypting of the confrontational behavior